Rosemary Kirstein

Thanks for the encouragement, all.  Things are in flux at the moment…

Madeline and Aster (and Sean): I actually am looking into the Patreon idea — but I have to wait for some things to sort out before I can make a decision.  Or a bolt for freedom.  Or some such similar  act of defiance directed at the universe at large.

And if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ve heard me mention Kickstarter before.  I had been lining up my plans for that…

But the interesting thing about that, surprisingly is: I might not need to do it.   Because the books have been selling.

As I said, I have to wait for some things to sort out, both at the Day Job (big shakeups in management) and in my Other Life (some medical tests — nothing to worry about, just dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s, so to speak).  I’ll know more about what steps I can take by, say… the end of November?  That sounds about right.

Meanwhile, I must get home!  I’m off to visit friends this weekend, and I have to cram all  Necessary Stuff into tonight and tomorrow so that I can do Nothing But Fun all weekend.

It took me a while to realize what was happening.

It was mid-morning Friday, and all of a sudden, whatever I was doing, I had to pause, I had to think.

Actually, I didn’t have to pause — I just did.  It happened spontaneously.   Everything would simply stop.

And I’d think:  Was I doing something?  What was I just doing?

And what comes next?

Entering data, these codes — I know them, right?  I’ve had most of them memorized for a long time now.  But suddenly, each one was a conundrum.

What was I doing again?  Oh, right, that.  Yeah… how do I do it?  Okay, better look it up…

It’s not like this stuff was rocket science.   Just boring, necessary accounting department support crap.  I should be able to do it in my sleep.

But that day, and quite suddenly — just couldn’t.

Naturally, I started running through all the possibilities.    Let’s see: Stroke?  Probably not.  Early onset Alzheimer’s?  It’s happened to better people than me.  Or not-so-early onset Alzheimer’s, because I seem to have become about one million years old recently?  Okay, that’s a maybe.  Brain tumor?  Actually, that’s on the list of the ways my defeated cancer could make a comeback… but I didn’t think so; not today.

Exhaustion was the best guess, and for good reason, with the overtime and and the sheer overwhelming banal stupidity of the actual tasks at hand.

And it was as I was enumerating (as one does) the specific ways in which the tasks were banal, and trivial-yet-desperately-urgent, and mostly-void-partially-pointless (Night Vale reference!), and I found myself losing track even of that, being unable even to focus on working up a satisfying list of complaints — when it hit me.

I knew what it was.

It was the story.

The story wanted me.

I was so tired that I was no longer able to force myself to pay attention — careful, close attention –  to stuff I did not care about.

And in the absence of the usual forced focus, that constant exercise of negative will power, there it was: the story.

Stepping up, interrupting, blanking out the banality over and over again, and saying to the fuzzy, sleep-deprived silence: Look here. Look at ME.  Do THIS.

Which story?

All of them.

Over on Twitter, Nicole (@nlisa) directed my attention to this:

http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/red-seabeach

I don’t want to post the actual photo without permission (I’m pretty sure I’d violate copyright law by snagging and publishing).   But do follow the link above and take a look.

It’s now doing duty as my desktop background.  I look at it lots.  Especially as this week was officially Day Job Hell Week, to be followed by Son of Day Job Hell Week, coming soon to a theater of life near me.

And then I can stop and breathe.  And think.

In other news:  I saw The Martian!   I’d like to write a review but, no time right now.  Short version: Yes, yes, do go see it.  Also, read the book by Andy Weir.  Do both of those things, in whichever order you like.  Works both ways.