Because it had to be done
Okay, it was inevitable.  Someone was going to do this, eventually.
Apparently, that Someone has turned out to be me.
(this makes more sense if you’ve read the original)
THIRTEEN WAYS OF LOOKING AT FACEBOOK.
I
Your farm does not exist.
You puzzle me.
II
I was of three minds,
Facebook, Twitter, and blog.
But it was only one post,
Like a blackbird
Sitting in three trees at once.
III
Sixth grade lunch hour
Cafeteria.
Decibel level = 110.
All my friends are talking at once,
But not to me.
IV
Twenty years ago, you dumped me for no good reason.
IGNORE
V
Hello, my new friend.
I see you have become a fan of XX==>DDD.
Now, what page is that?
click
I see.
Yes, those breasts are quite large.
REMOVE CONNECTION
VI.
Eighteen years ago I dumped you
For very good reasons.
IGNORE
VI
My Fan Page is ready
One click away from Live.
click
Oh, look, I have a fan, huzzah!
No, wait, that’s me.
VII
My personal account has 32 friends.
My fan page has 7 fans.
I now understand my royalty statements.
VIII
I do not believe these are the End Times,
Nor that God has a plan for me.
I do not care that you are in an open relationship.
But my fan page is open to everyone,
And you may stay.
IX.
I commented.
I saw my comment on three pages.
Three circles of which I am the edge.
X
I’ve known you all your life
But I never knew you liked that song,
that singer.
And you never knew that I sing.
XI
They are all here
The mountebanks and preachers,
The grade-school crushes and bullies.
We find, and we are found.
But do you see the distance I have run,
or my shadow?
XII
We speak, addressing no one in particular
and wait for comments.
Where is this river going?
Where does the blackbird fly?
XIII
It was 3AM all night.
I was writing
and I was going to write.
I used a pen
And I was alone.
March 28th, 2010 at 9:27 am
You. Are brilliant.
March 28th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Kate –
Thanks!
Heh.
March 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
The one thing that I really appreciate about Facebook as opposed to other sites is the “like” button. It’s useful when one has no other content to convey than “hey, that was cool.”
Which is to say, “Like.”
March 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Tucker — Hey, thanks!
Anytime you want to just post “Like” here — feel free!
March 28th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Brilliant and unexpectedly, beautiful too. That’s good parody, ma’am.
Um, may I Tweet this? =) (My Twitter feed is replicated on Facebook, note.)
March 28th, 2010 at 11:55 am
N.K.
Sure, tweet away — Just tell ’em where it came from. Use the URL for this post.
March 28th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ethan Zuckerman, Andrew Ducker, Top 5k, topsy_top20k, Chad Orzel and others. Chad Orzel said: Thirteen ways of looking at Facebook, by Rosemary Kirstein: http://bit.ly/9TTTwx "I. Your farm does not exist./ You puzzle me." […]
March 28th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
do you mind if I post this on my FB?
I was your “friend” on FB first, and I thought if I became a “fan”, it would be duplicative, w,even though I’m really a “fan” not a “personal friend”. FYI.
March 28th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Ita —
Go ahead and post, if you like — just add a link back here.
Also: Yep, you were “grandfathered” in on my personal page, because you friended me before I had an actual fan page.
You are welcome to stay as you are!
And thanks!
March 28th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Forgot to say: BRILLIANT!
March 28th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Truly, this is the poetry of our milieu. I must echo Kate’s sentiment– brilliant!
March 28th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Johhny –
Thanks for the complements, and for spreading the word. I do appreciate it!
March 28th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
[…] (Continued) […]
March 28th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
I posted a link back here on Facebook; it was too meta to pass up.
Also, this post was a definite coffee-snorter this morning.
March 28th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Tariqata —
Ha, thanks!
Heh.
This is certainly turning into fun.
March 28th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by orzelc: Thirteen ways of looking at Facebook, by Rosemary Kirstein: http://bit.ly/9TTTwx “I. Your farm does not exist./ You puzzle me.”…
March 28th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Chuckles and things that make you go ‘hmm…’ Love this!
note: I have a farm that’s not real. It puzzles me, too!
March 28th, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Heh. Great! I was going to take the previous permission as permission to post it to FB – it *needs* to be on FB – but I saw your reference to your account, found it, and shared it. Thank you.
March 28th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Hey, Rosy–
I like your poem! (So the original did NOT have two Section VI’s, yet yours did. Was this an intentional joke that has flown over my head, or am I simply being rude in pointing it out?)
March 28th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Nonesuch –
Ack! Now I have to remove one! But which one? I can’t bear to part with either!
March 28th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Simple: have a competition and give one of the VI’s to the fan who writes the most convincing essay (10 words or less?) about why he/she/it deserves it. It’s the only way to guarantee it a good home.
Or money. They could send you money.
March 29th, 2010 at 10:33 am
AWESOME.
March 29th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Brava!
March 30th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Hi
Don’t stay allone with the pen!
March 30th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Hey cousin!
You don’t understand – I LIKE to be alone with the pen! That’s the best part!
April 3rd, 2010 at 11:57 am
Perfect. Elegant. And entirely on target.
April 10th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Hi! A friend of mine gave me the link to this post and I just love it. Enough so that I would love to use your poem in a FreeVerse meme that I do every Wednesday, where we all share poems that we like. Would that be OK with you? I would reprint your poem (giving you full credit of course) and link back to this post and your blog? Would that be OK with you? I just love love love this poem!!!!
Here is a link to a previous FreeVerse post I had done so you can check out what I’m talking about: http://www.findyournextbookhere.com/2010/03/freeeverse-i-am-not-one-of.html
Thanks! : )
April 10th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Jenners —
Sure, go ahead! And thanks for the linkback.
April 27th, 2011 at 6:56 am
[…] Because It Had to Be Done, containing my viral — well, nearly viral — okay, relatively famous poem “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Facebook” (See if you can spot the duplicated number.) […]